Can I Be Friends with My Therapist? The Importance of Healthy Therapeutic Boundaries
Written By: Emily Beck
Therapy is a unique relationship. You share everything about yourself with your therapist, but they don’t share much, if anything, about themselves. Many therapists are open to answering certain questions about themselves or may share a little bit about themselves if it’s appropriate, but the relationship is not a friendship. Some therapists will not share any information about themselves with their clients, but this depends on the client, the therapist, and the relationship. A therapist’s goal is never to move away from the client's best interest, and talking about themselves can do that very quickly.
Therapists also are legally bound by something known as HIPAA. The Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act ensures that your information and identity are fully protected in the context of therapy unless you explicitly tell us, in writing, that we can share information about you.
So why do these therapeutic boundaries exist?
The session is about you, not them. If your therapist is sharing as much about themselves as you are about you, the session is no longer focused on you and what you need. Therapy is a service that you are paying for, and therapists are specifically trained to help you with your mental health. Their job is to respond to your needs, not the other way around. If a therapist does not want to answer a question about themselves or feels that this takes away from your needs being met in the session, they will tell you.
The boundary protects the relationship. If your therapist only knows you in the context of a therapy session, they can maintain a space free of judgment. If your therapist does not know the other people in your life, they can keep their focus on you and your needs rather than any potentially conflicting needs of other people.
The boundaries keep you safe and comfortable. Knowing that your therapist cannot share any information with others allows you to be vulnerable in the therapy session and share more than you might be comfortable with in other settings. To allow for this to happen and for you to be protected, your information is completely confidential. We will not even wave to you in public without you waving first because this violates your confidentiality. The few exceptions to this are if you are a danger to yourself or someone else or if we need to report child or elder abuse, neglect, or exploitation.
Friendships are equal playing fields. Therapeutic relationships are not. In therapy, there is an imbalance in that one person knows far more about the other. The therapist has access to a lot of private information. Beginning a friendship after having a therapist/client relationship could allow the therapist to take advantage of that information, so we keep the relationship professional to protect the client.
Therapy is a space that is just for you. You are not obligated to bring anything but yourself to the session, and therapists are there for the sole purpose of helping you learn to help yourself. For the time spent in your therapy session, you get to discuss what you want and need to discuss, and no one else gets to set the agenda.
If you feel like something is not working in your relationship with your therapist, please feel free to talk to your therapist about it! If that does not help, it may be time for a different therapist.
Are you interested in learning more about therapy and potentially starting your own therapy journey? Call us today at 217-203-2008 and start promoting peace from within.
Resources:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/therapy/boundaries-and-red-flags-in-therapy
https://www.hhs.gov/hipaa/for-professionals/privacy/laws-regulations/index.html
https://truevoicecounselling.com/blog/therapeutic-boundaries-what-are-they-and-why-do-we-need-them-in-therapy